Before discussing consequences, it is important to consider why children break the rules. Children are scientists, in that they attempt behaviors to see what the outcome will be. The goals of a consequence should include stopping the behavior, helping the child to recognize and fix their mistake, and to help them develop internal control of their choices.
As a result, consequences should be respectful (focusing on the behavior), relevant (related to the action), and realistic. A consequence is different from punishment, in that you do not want a child to fear a consequence. A consequence is an opportunity to teach a child why. Parents often need to stop and think before applying a consequence in order to address the child’s actions, not thoughts and feelings.
As a general rule of thumb, we often follow these general types of consequences:
*Reparation: You Broke It, You Fix It
Rewind- providing your child with an opportunity to restate something in a different way
Example: “I think you meant to say that you’re upset. Can you say it in a different way?”
Spills, Messes, Etc- your child should clean up after spilling something or making a mess
*Loss of Privilege: If you’re not responsible, you lose a privilege
Examples: Watching Inappropriate Television- loss of TV privileges
Saying homework is finished when it isn’t- Parents have to trust what child says, now have to show you their finished work
*Positive Time Out: “Take a Break”
Explain the Purpose: for someone who has broken a rule, allows them time to regain control
Establish a place- chair, bed, cushion, etc
For Smaller Disturbances, helps to control a situation before it gets worse
Keep it brief, Use a calm voice
As a result, consequences should be respectful (focusing on the behavior), relevant (related to the action), and realistic. A consequence is different from punishment, in that you do not want a child to fear a consequence. A consequence is an opportunity to teach a child why. Parents often need to stop and think before applying a consequence in order to address the child’s actions, not thoughts and feelings.
As a general rule of thumb, we often follow these general types of consequences:
*Reparation: You Broke It, You Fix It
Rewind- providing your child with an opportunity to restate something in a different way
Example: “I think you meant to say that you’re upset. Can you say it in a different way?”
Spills, Messes, Etc- your child should clean up after spilling something or making a mess
*Loss of Privilege: If you’re not responsible, you lose a privilege
Examples: Watching Inappropriate Television- loss of TV privileges
Saying homework is finished when it isn’t- Parents have to trust what child says, now have to show you their finished work
*Positive Time Out: “Take a Break”
Explain the Purpose: for someone who has broken a rule, allows them time to regain control
Establish a place- chair, bed, cushion, etc
For Smaller Disturbances, helps to control a situation before it gets worse
Keep it brief, Use a calm voice