Responsive Language
The words that children hear and use help to shape their identities. It helps them to understand who they are, how they think, work and play, and influences and is influenced by their relationships with others. Our use of words helps children to establish a sense of belonging, to value and practice cooperation, respect and empathy.
Each family member has a role and has responsibilities which contribute to the dynamics of the home. Establishing clear expectations helps the child to understand that they have a role in the family. Modeling the expected behaviors reduces any confusion and helps the child to understand exactly what parents mean when they are given a specific direction. Establishing the foundation early on, helps to reduce any misunderstanding when children are given reminders of the rules.
The language used by parents should be direct and authentic; say what you mean and mean what you say. It should be simple and clear; when we offer too much explanation, our children can get overwhelmed or confused and it should clearly reflect your expectations; phrased positively, our language reflects your confidence in your child’s ability to meet these expectations.
Types of Responsive Language
Reinforcing language – expresses your genuine appreciation for your child’s efforts.
“You appear to be enjoying your book today, what did you like about the story?”
“Thank you for helping me to put the dishes away”
Reminding Language – prompts your child to remember information for themselves, and helps to develop a sense of independence and self control.
“Show me how you can put your toys away”
“How can you say that differently?
“Remind me what you should be doing”
Redirecting Language – gives clear, non-negotiable instructions and is used during times when your child is too emotional to be able to identify the right behaviors for themselves, or when they are in a position where they can cause harm to themselves or others. Redirecting language is clear, simple and names the behavior that is desired in the situation.
“Walk carefully with the scissors”
“Keep your hands to yourself when you play with your sister”
“Take a break from your homework and you can get back to it in 5 minutes”
Our words help children to learn about themselves by encouraging them to be reflective, to look back at their choices and to make decisions about their experiences.
Parents have to be active listeners. They should set aside a designated time to put aside distractions and look and listen to your child, using body language that includes positive facial expressions and an open and inviting posture. They should also use words that are non-judgmental, (keep an open mind, remain nonreactive and take their perspective) and instill a sense of trust and acceptance. Validate your child’s feelings (“It sounds like you felt,”) and paraphrase what you child has shared with you (“What I’m hearing is”). Offer topics that are open ended (encourages elaboration and explanation),
Examples of Conversation Starters:
What did you like about the movie?
What part of your day did you enjoy?
What does that remind you of?
What do you think about the choice that he/ she made?
How would you have liked it to happen?
The words that children hear and use help to shape their identities. It helps them to understand who they are, how they think, work and play, and influences and is influenced by their relationships with others. Our use of words helps children to establish a sense of belonging, to value and practice cooperation, respect and empathy.
Each family member has a role and has responsibilities which contribute to the dynamics of the home. Establishing clear expectations helps the child to understand that they have a role in the family. Modeling the expected behaviors reduces any confusion and helps the child to understand exactly what parents mean when they are given a specific direction. Establishing the foundation early on, helps to reduce any misunderstanding when children are given reminders of the rules.
The language used by parents should be direct and authentic; say what you mean and mean what you say. It should be simple and clear; when we offer too much explanation, our children can get overwhelmed or confused and it should clearly reflect your expectations; phrased positively, our language reflects your confidence in your child’s ability to meet these expectations.
Types of Responsive Language
Reinforcing language – expresses your genuine appreciation for your child’s efforts.
“You appear to be enjoying your book today, what did you like about the story?”
“Thank you for helping me to put the dishes away”
Reminding Language – prompts your child to remember information for themselves, and helps to develop a sense of independence and self control.
“Show me how you can put your toys away”
“How can you say that differently?
“Remind me what you should be doing”
Redirecting Language – gives clear, non-negotiable instructions and is used during times when your child is too emotional to be able to identify the right behaviors for themselves, or when they are in a position where they can cause harm to themselves or others. Redirecting language is clear, simple and names the behavior that is desired in the situation.
“Walk carefully with the scissors”
“Keep your hands to yourself when you play with your sister”
“Take a break from your homework and you can get back to it in 5 minutes”
Our words help children to learn about themselves by encouraging them to be reflective, to look back at their choices and to make decisions about their experiences.
Parents have to be active listeners. They should set aside a designated time to put aside distractions and look and listen to your child, using body language that includes positive facial expressions and an open and inviting posture. They should also use words that are non-judgmental, (keep an open mind, remain nonreactive and take their perspective) and instill a sense of trust and acceptance. Validate your child’s feelings (“It sounds like you felt,”) and paraphrase what you child has shared with you (“What I’m hearing is”). Offer topics that are open ended (encourages elaboration and explanation),
Examples of Conversation Starters:
What did you like about the movie?
What part of your day did you enjoy?
What does that remind you of?
What do you think about the choice that he/ she made?
How would you have liked it to happen?